- How to celebrate birthdays after your loved one has died -
Birthdays are a funny thing after a loved one dies. I have always viewed birthdays as a way to celebrate the living, and celebrating another year of them being alive and well; a time to celebrate all of their accomplishments from the previous year and everything you hope for them in their new year to come.
After my parents passed away, a part of me felt like it was silly to keep celebrating their birthday, when they no longer had a new year of life to celebrate; and like I was holding onto a piece of them that was suddenly gone from this Earth forever.
But the other day, as I was talking about this very topic with a friend, she reminded me that birthdays are a time to celebrate the life that they lived, and a time to celebrate all of the beautiful things they accomplished. Even though your loved one is no longer here physically to celebrate with, their birthday still belongs to them, and can be a moment of remembrance and celebration!
I encourage you to find your own ways to continue to celebrate the beautiful life they lived, and to help get you started, I have come up with a few ways to celebrate them on their day of birth.
Light a candle
A usual tradition on birthdays is to blow out the candles on your cake, so one way you can celebrate them is by buying a candle and blowing it out to honor their memory. If you do not feel like making the whole day about them, that is okay, and this can be a great way to celebrate them too!
Do some of their favorite things
One of the best ways to feel like you are keeping your loved one’s memory alive is to do things that remind you of them! One of my mother’s favorite things to do was to go shopping, so in honor of her, I made time to shop and look for things she would have chosen. Doing little things that your loved one used to do can help you to feel closer to them, and as if they might be there on that day doing those things with you.
Visit their grave
For some, it may be comforting to spend time at their gravesite. On some of my hardest days, one of my favorite things to do was to visit where my mom was cremated, and just talk to her, as if she was sitting in front of me. Other people I know have decorated their gravesites for their birthdays. Some people feel at peace being able to have a place they can go back to, where they can be reminded of the loved one that is no longer here.
Spend time with other loved ones
One big tradition in my family is that we celebrate birthdays together. Everyone is given a night where the focus is solely on them and the life they have lived thus far. Even though a loved one passes, that tradition does not have to die with them. Maybe for some of you, your tradition involves going to a loved one’s favorite restaurant, or making their favorite meal at home, while for others, maybe that is watching home videos of your loved one from when they were alive. By spending time with others that loved your loved one too, it can in turn help the coping process of them no longer physically being here to celebrate.
Plant a seed
One of the most beautiful things that can come out of losing a life, is the chance to start something new out of your loved one’s passing. One way this can be done is by planting a seed in their honor. Maybe a new tradition you start is by planting a new flower every year on your loved one’s birthday, or a new tree in their honor. This way, every time you look at that new plant, you can be reminded of the beautiful life they lived.
Donate in their memory
Another way to honor the life of your loved one who has passed on is through helping another life. This is an amazing way to continue to let their memory live on in a beautiful way. So often, when a loved one passes, people become scared to continue to speak that loved one’s name, in fear of who might be hurt by hearing their name spoken, but in order to continue to celebrate your loved one and cherish the life they once lived, it is vital to continue to speak their name. By donating in their memory, you continue to help their legacy live on in the most beautiful way!
There is this misconception among some that holding on to our loved ones keeps us stuck, but the truth is, continuing to celebrate in the beautiful life they lived will in turn help us continue to heal from the brokenness we may feel from the lack of their presence. So I urge you to find ways to celebrate them! And as always, allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you might be feeling. It is okay to feel happy and sad all at once. It is okay to miss them terribly, but also want to remember them for the beautiful soul that they were! I hope you are filled with wholeness and peace as you celebrate your loved one’s day of birth, and are given comfort as you are reminded of them no longer being here physically with you.
With love,
Britt
