Growing up, my mom was constantly teaching me resiliency. She was always wanting to show me that I can endure whatever is thrown my way, and in a lot of ways, I have her to thank for getting through every ounce of heartache I have gone through in my life. As great as it is to be able to push through the pain, sometimes it’s actually best for us to validate our own pain.
In today’s society, it is our natural instinct to say “well so and so has it worse than I do, so I shouldn’t be complaining about my own issues”, when in reality, everyone has their own version of hard! Everyone deserves to be able to vent about things that frustrate them, or just be plain upset about an event that occurred in their life.
Another issue that our society tries to tell us, is that healing is supposed to happen within a certain timeframe. THERE IS NOT TIMELINE FOR HEALING!! Let me say that again. There. Is. No. Timeline. For. Healing. Everyone heals at their own pace, and everyone endures life at their own pace. The healing process takes a different amount of time for everyone, and no person heals in the exact same way. Along the way, validating that pain and letting yourself feel all of it is SO IMPORTANT! If you don’t allow yourself to experience everything you are feeling about a certain situation, then you will never properly heal.
Along with validating your own pain, you also should understand that everyone copes with certain situations in different ways, and that no way is the correct way to deal with something, as long as it is not endangering your own health and wellbeing. This can sometimes put a strain on family members, since everyone copes with situations in their own way. Some share all the details of their life with friends, while others keep their emotions to themselves to experience. There is no right way to confront a trauma.
When I lost my parents, I tried to cling to the idea that I needed to shove my feelings to the wayside and continue to push through life. You definitely should continue to live your life and do things that make you happy, but allow yourself to feel your feelings when they hit you. I am not saying that you should allow yourself to lay in bed 24/7, because that is not healthy either, but giving yourself the patience to experience all of those feelings is OKAY. When these emotions arise for me, and I know that I need to let myself just be in the present moment with my own thoughts, I tell myself that it is okay to cope, and that tomorrow will be a new day to experience new feelings.
Even though I am in a very good place in life, there are still times that hit me out of nowhere, making me miss my parents because of different things that arise. Sometimes it is happy moments, where I wish they were there to celebrate with me, and other times it is sad moments in my life, where I wish they could be there to comfort me.
Some of those times can include important dates. For instance, if you know the anniversary of your loved one passing away is coming up, then you can somewhat prepare yourself to experience these emotions. If I know an important date is coming up, I try to set aside time for myself to celebrate their life, but also to feel any emotions that might arise because of said date.
Other times, you hear a song on the radio, or experience a moment that you used to share with your loved one, and these feelings hit you out of nowhere. When this happens for me, my emotions take over and I just allow myself to cry or to be happy that they were once in my life.
If you are hit with emotions because of a past trauma, ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL and validate the pain that you are feeling, because those emotions are OKAY AND HEALTHY! If you needed the okay to allow yourself to grieve, this is me telling you you are right where you need to be, and encouraging you to give yourself grace to experience it!
